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 Being Direct
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<img src="../tt/g-articl/how-to-be-more-assertive.jpg" width="155" height="237" border="0" 
 alt="What is assertiveness'">
<h3><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive.html">How To Be More Assertive</a></h3>
<p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part1.html">
What is<br>assertiveness'
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part2.html">
Four styles
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part3.html">
Rights and<br>responsibilities
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part4.html">
Positive beliefs
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part5.html">
Being direct
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part6.html">
Expressing<br>disagreement constructively
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part7.html">
Managing the other<br>person's behaviour<br>by enforcing<br>a process
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part8.html">
Building rapport
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part9.html">
Focusing on facts
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part10.html">
Focusing on<br>consequences
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part11.html">
Stopping put-down<br>behaviour
<p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part12.html">
Text Book Techniques
</a></p><p><a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part13.html">
Personal<br>action planning
</a></p>
</div>
 <h1>Being Direct</h1>
 <h2>How To Be More Assertive: Part 5</h2>
<p>"Being Direct" is a straightforward technique.  When you want something, ask for it and get straight to the point.  Eg:</p>
<blockquote>"I'd like someone to drive me to the airport this afternoon.  Would you be able to do that'"</blockquote>
<p>And when you answer such a request, be direct as well:</p>
<blockquote>"No, I'm taking this afternoon off to play golf".</blockquote>
<h3>Benefits and Drawbacks</h3>
<p>Being direct is, for most everyday matters, the best way to interact.  It has a number of benefits, including:</p>
<ul>
<li>It saves time
<li>Misunderstandings are reduced
<li>It enables genuine negotiation to take place
<li>You get more easily and quickly to a win-win solution
<li>Other people don't have to second-guess what you are thinking
</ul>
<p>If you are not direct, it can lead to several problems, such as:</p>
<ul>
<li>Things don't go the way you would like them to
<li>You feel resentful as a result 
<li>Other people stop asking you
<li>They may not say it, but other people don't trust your honesty
</ul>
<h3>False beliefs</h3>
<p>There are some false beliefs about being direct, such as:</p>
<ul>
<li>You will upset other people
<li>You will appear selfish or arrogant
<li>You will inconvenience other people by asking
<li>You will not be liked
</ul>
<p>All these beliefs are false, and in fact the converse is often true, because when you are not direct, you:</p>
<ul>
<li>frustrate other people by not saying what you want
<li>deny others the opportunity to help you, which they would like, by not asking
<li>appear insecure and oversensitive
<li>inconvenience people because they have to spend time working out how not to offend <i>you</i>.
</ul>
<h3>A Simple Example</h3>
<p>Suppose you receive an invitation to a party, but already have other plans and you <i>believe</i> the other person will be offended if you decline.</p>
<p>Option 1 is to say "Thank you for the invitation.  Unfortunately, I already have another commitment, so I can't come."  The other person will accept this and think none the less of you.</p>
<p>Option 2 is to think the person may be offended by a refusal.  So, you think you have to give a really good reason to show how you would like to go but are unable to do so.  So, you say:  "I'd really love to come, but John and Mary don't get out much.  I've offered to babysit.  I suppose I could try to find someone else, but I'm not sure I could find anyone at this short notice.  I could talk to them and find out what time they are going, and see if I could drop in for a short time....", etc..  If you keep up this type of self-justification for much longer, the person who asked you will be wishing they hadn't (and they might avoid doing so in future).</p>
<h3>Summary</h3>
<p>Being direct is a much better option than not.  Being direct is being honest and showing integrity.</p>
<ul>
<li>Don't apologise profusely.
<li>Don't beat around the bush, as it frustrates the other person
<li>Keep it short (making long-winded excuses can cause confusion)
<li>If appropriate give a reason for your request, but don't make it a long-winded self-justification
<li>Don't dress up your requests with flattery, which can come across as manipulation and make it more difficult for the person to refuse
<li>Don't take a refusal personally
</ul>
<h2>Questions</h2>
<p>When is it best to be direct'</p>
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<p>When might being direct be inappropriate'</p>
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<br><br>
 <a href="how-to-be-more-assertive-part6.html" class=sidelink>How To Be More Assertive:<br>
 Part 6: Expressing Disagreement Constructively</a>

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